I do what I can

I spent all day yesterday trying to track down information about this bank robbery, and eventually hit a brick wall. Got hung up on repeatedly by the police, who eventually stopped answering the phone when I called. Got brushed off by the FBI. And got ignored by the U.S. Marshal.

So I wrote this:

The U.S. Marshals Service didn't have more specific details about Monday's robbery and referred those questions to the Edison Police Department. Edison police referred questions to the FBI, who referred questions back to the U.S. Marshals Service.

Fun.

Ahh, Texas

The Texas Board of Ed has approved the establishment of bible classes in public high schools. The guidelines call for the classes to focus on history and not promote or disparage any particular religion, but here's the catch...

From an AP story:

Mark Chancey, associate professor in religious studies at Southern Methodist University, has studied Bible classes already offered in about 25 districts for the Texas Freedom Network.

The study found most of the courses were explicitly devotional with almost exclusively Christian, usually Protestant, perspectives.

It also found that most were taught by teachers with no academic training in biblical, religious or theological studies and who were not familiar with the issues of separation of church and state.

"Some classes promote creation science. Some classes denigrate Judaism. Some classes explicitly encourage students to convert to Christianity or to adopt Christian devotional practices," Chancey said. "This is all well documented, and the board knows it."

Of course, since the guidelines mandate that the classes deal only with history and literature and don't favor one religion, it's going to be hard to argue the classes, as defined in the guidelines, are unconstitutional...

OK, I won't post again until I have something entertaining to write... seriously.

A rare follow-up

In case you were wondering, the D.C. Council voted unanimously yesterday to pass the emergency handgun legislation I wrote about a couple of days ago.

Nothing new beyond what I've already written, but here's the story if you're interested.

Please wait at the door while I unlock, assemble and load my handgun

In response to the Supreme Court decision on the D.C. handgun ban, the mayor's office has proposed new legislation creating an exemption for self-defense within the home. Residents still wouldn't be able to keep a loaded handgun in their nightstand drawer, but the assembled/loaded gun would be permitted in the instance of an "immediate danger."

From SCOTUSblog:

That provision, officials told reporters, was meant to allow a handgun owner to get the gun and load it — for example, if a burglar were at the door. It would not allow the gun to be loaded or assembled or unlocked at all times it remained in the home.

Officials said they expected that this provision might be challenged in court by gun rights groups or individuals, on the theory that it is too restrictive and would not allow practical access to a working gun in an emergency.

In order to transport the handgun within the District (without a license to carry), you would have to unload it and carry it "securely wrapped in a package, with the package visible in plain view." I have questions:

First, do they mean the package must be "in plain view" or that the unloaded gun must be visible?
In the case of the latter, would a Ziploc baggie count as "secure" wrapping?
And finally, does this mean we're going to start seeing people wandering the streets with their little handguns in big Ziploc baggies? I hope so.

Wait, you can still see me even when I'm covering my eyes like this?

I woke up this morning to the sound of my cell phone. It was 6:56 a.m., according to my call log, and for some reason I answered the call.

It was the early editor, calling to say police had received a report that someone had jumped off the Victory Bridge and that the executive editor (whom I later found out was calling from the comfort of his own home) wanted me to go out there.

So I threw on some clothes and stumbled my way to the Perth Amboy/Sayreville border, a location where I routinely get lost. I got lost.

About 45 minutes later, I was driving over the bridge and saw the melange of police cars pulled over to the side. Initially I pulled over to the shoulder, but thought better of it and figured I'd park on the other side of the bridge and walk back up. I didn't consider how long the bridge is across.

So I pulled over at the turnoff, parked, and started walking back over the bridge. The bridge is a causeway with an incline, so it comes to a peak in the middle. The cops were at the peak.

I was muttering as I trudged my way up the bridge. It was 7 a.m. and I should have still been in bed with my cats, but instead I was walking up this stupid bridge to a bunch of cops who were just gonna tell me that they would try to have a press release by the end of the day and they couldn't give me any information now -- blah, blah; grumble, grumble; I hate my life, I hate my life; good thing I wore these shoes and not heels or something; grrr, grrrr; damn everything, etc., etc., etc. Why can't I see the cops anyway? Where'd they go? Did they leave? No, I would have seen them driving past me if they left. Oh I guess I can't see them because they're at the top of the hill and I'm at the bottom. Blah, blah. Grumble, grumble. Damn everything, etc., etc., etc.

I got to the top of the bridge and approached the cops.

"Did you have a good walk?" they said, laughing.

It occurred to me quickly: Just because I couldn't see them didn't mean they couldn't see me.

"You were watching me the whole time I walked, huh?" I asked.

"Yup."

In fact, it may have helped. They seemed to feel badly for the crazy grumbling girl who was trudging her way up the bridge at 7:30 a.m. Initially they gave me the, "The press officer will be in at about 2 today" line, but then they all looked at each other and this wave of sympathy seemed to come over them. They gave me the info they had *and* a ride back to my car.

Ryder, Mattie and R.E.M.

I finally transferred a bunch of photos from my camera onto the computer, so...

I'll start with Ryder. I went down to D.C. last weekend and saw him. He's probably 9 or 10 weeks old here, and still incredibly sexy, albeit a bit bitey:

Stretch!


I disturbed his nap with the flash.


Hanging out with Liza.

And now Mattie. She is about the same age as Ryder -- maybe a week or so older. I think she looks a little like a bengal kitty. But you can't really tell in these pictures because she's not all stretched out like she does sometimes. Also the lighting is a little off because I had to turn the camera on high-speed so I could catch her running around, which means no flash.

Attack cat.

This one used a flash.

Possessed kitty.

And finally. Becky, Shruti and I went to an R.E.M. concert in Philly a couple of weeks ago. Getting there was a massive ordeal because Googling "Mann Center Philly" takes you to a location on Broad Street, right downtown. It did occur to me that a central location was odd for a massive outdoor arena, but apparently I don't actually listen to common sense.

So I google-mapped directions to the Broad Street location, parked in a $20 public lot, got out of the car and discovered that the arena is actually all the way out in West Philly. In the end, it took about an hour and a half to drive from Edison to Philly... and another hour and a half to find the place. Because I am that smart.

Anyway here are the few photos we took:
Me, Shruti and Becky after the show. For some reason the one of us with the smallest boobs has the most major cleavage going on. Well done, Becky.

Shruti and Becky.

Eddie Vedder came out for a song and Becky got all weepy and excited. I wanted to take a picture of her being all weepy and excited without her knowing that I was taking a picture of her being all weepy and excited (because I didn't want her to stop being weepy and excited), but clandestine photography is not my strong suit and this is the best I was able to do. You can still get the gist, though.


I feel like this sets the entire tone of the concert. R.E.M. was great but for some reason the crowd had absolutely no energy, aside from two people dancing all excitedly in the back of the lawn. This couple fell asleep shortly after R.E.M. came on and then left early.

So that's it. The memory in my camera is officially purged.

SCALDING HOT SOUP FOR YOU!

So two kitchen workers at a restaurant in Woodbridge got into a fight Tuesday about how to make chicken soup.

Neither of them spoke a common language so they had to act everything out.

Needless to say, things got heated.

So Guy #1 punches Guy #2 in the jaw.

Guy #2 dips a several-quart pan into a large cauldron of boiling chicken soup to scoop up several quarts of boiling soup.

And pours it over the head of Guy #1.

Guy #2 suffered burns on his hands from the soup and was taken to the hospital for treatment. Guy #1 was airlifted to another hospital. Guy #2, incidentally, is now facing deportation because it turns out he is here illegally. But at least now Guy #1 knows how to make chicken soup properly, right?

You should note that in the police report, under "type of crime," the police officer checked "other" and wrote, "Poured scalding hot soup on victim."

Our story here.

Unnamed kitten!

After meeting Ryder, The One Who Was The Giant Douche, A.K.A. Jorge, if that's easier, decided that it was time to start looking for a kitten of his own. For some reason, he thought we were just going to go look at kittens and not adopt one. I obviously planned on him adopting one, but he apparently doesn't know me well enough to realize that.

In the end it didn't take much convincing.

We were walking through the kitten area, looking inside the cages, when one kitten reached out of her cage and thwacked him in the face.

After a long interrogation by one of the Cat Ladies (and some necessary assistance on my part after he didn't tell her exactly what she wanted to hear), he had his kitten.


She is about 10 weeks old and was found the day before in front of Sovereign Bank. He's still trying to think of a name, and he wants it to have something to do with royalty (because of the Sovereign Bank thing) but not be lame (like Princess or Queen Elizabeth). So if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to leave them here.......

This is my favorite...

Yawning kitten...

So sexy.

In my bathroom while we went to PetSmart to get her set up at his house.

Apparently I am an old lady

So you know how the little man inside the grocery store computer takes into account what you buy and then spits out coupons accordingly? Well usually, I end up with a coupon for organic milk and maybe a $1 off five SmartOnes.

Today, all I got was this:

Now. I didn't buy Ensure or Centrum Silver or Fibercon or any of those old-people-type things. But apparently, I shop like a retired person. God I'm cool.

"Was it prurient? I don't know what to tell you."

I mean, seriously, is bestiality ever prurient?

I'll back up.

A federal appeals court judge has a family Web site, complete with all the standard stuff -- family photos, legal writings... and a video of a man "cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal," according to the AP.

Alex Kozinski, 57, the chief judge of the federal appeals court in California, was forced to suspend an obscenity trial yesterday after the L.A. Times reported that his Web site featured pornography.

"Is it prurient? I don't know what to tell you," he told the L.A. Times. "I think it's odd and interesting. It's part of life."

From the L.A. Times, which reported the hell out of the story:

Among the images on the site were a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal. He defended some of the adult content as "funny" but conceded that other postings were inappropriate.

More:

The sexually explicit material on the site was extensive, including images of masturbation, public sex and contortionist sex. There was a slide show striptease featuring a transsexual, and a folder that contained a series of photos of women's crotches in snug-fitting clothing or underwear.

Kozinski told The Times that he began saving the sexually explicit materials and other items of interest on his website years ago.

"People send me stuff like this all the time," he said.

Among the sexually explicit material on his site that he defended as humorous were two photos. In one, a young man is bent over in a chair and performing fellatio on himself. In the other, two women are sitting in what appears to be a cafe with their skirts hiked up to reveal their pubic hair and genitalia. Behind them is a sign reading "Bush for President."

"That is a funny joke," Kozinski said.

Here's his quote to the New York Times:

“I guess I should be more careful about access and all,” he said. “I didn’t put anything on there I think would be embarrassing.”

From the AP:

He suspended until Monday the trial of Ira Isaacs, who is charged with obscenity for selling movies depicting bestiality and extreme fetishes involving feces and urination.

Now. Kozinski, who was seriously considered by H.W. for the Supreme Courts seats that ultimately went to Souter and Thomas, is no Larry Craig (or Clarence Thomas, for that matter) -- this is a guy who has always been an avid supporter of porn.

In 2001, he fought federal court administrators in D.C. over porn-blocking Web filters that they installed on government computers. From a government computer room in San Francisco, he personally disabled the filters for three appellate circuits and began a back-and-forth with the court administrators. They caved.

From the AP:

He has written video game reviews for the Wall Street Journal, and his prolific commentary on everything from the death penalty to the use of Yiddish in the law has appeared in legal journals and mainstream media alike.

I'll keep you people updated on this stuff... or you could just read the LAT........

Ryder

As promised, I'm posting more photos of Ryder. I should, in fact, be working on something else, but instead I decided to optimize 75 kitten photos and place them in different locations throughout the Web. Because I use my time efficiently.

Earlier today I decided to go to the pool in Woodbridge, because it is 90+ degrees today and they are one of the few pools in the area that doesn't require membership (although they charge a pretty hefty daily fee). So I drive all the way up there (OK, it's six miles, but if you knew Route 1...) and see a sign saying the pool is open only to members until next weekend, when they will start admitting the general public.

So now I am covered in sunscreen, all packed for the pool, and tanless. Which makes me sad.

But kitten pictures make me happy. So:

In his spot in the bathroom...

In the arms of the One Who Was the Giant Douche. At this point he has already fallen in love.

Meeting Gizmo for the first time (after feline AIDS and leukemia tests came back negative). A.M. is sitting on the futon hissing.

Hanging out on my lap at Liza's house. The initial photo had me in it, but I had 17 chins and therefore cropped myself out.

Being the sexiest man in the world. That's Liza's coffee table above him. It has bars underneath it which he likes to try to walk on. Unfortunately for him, he is very wobbly and falls constantly.

We came back from Petsmart to find him chillin' here, on top of her couch. He started acting like he owned the place within minutes.

We were amused by this photo because Liza is clearly elated and Ryder seems so uninterested.

My turn to be all excited about Ryder while he is not interested.

He slept with me at Liza's!

Satisfied customer photos, as requested by Sara.