It'd be better if I had a cat to pet...

Dude. I forgot what it was like to sit at a desk for eight hours. I also forgot what it was like to have everyone saying, "don't quote me on any of this," regarding issues with the political sensitivity of my big toe.

Snakes in the woods!

I like to think that in the likely situation of a gang boss releasing venomous snakes on a plane, I would be a hero. I would save babies and puppies and walk away victorious.

But over the weekend I was running in the woods in Greensboro, N.C., and I discovered that I would *not* be heroic at all. In fact, I would make girly noises and sprint away as fast as I could possibly go.

I know this because that is exactly what I did when I saw snakes in the woods in Greensboro. After seeing two different snakes slither across the running path, I spent the rest of my run dodging tree roots like they were going to eat me and screaming whenever a) a squirrel ran by, b) I saw a suspiciously curvy root, or c) the sun peeked through the trees and made a slithery looking shadow.

And here's the other way I know I'm not that brave:

I was driving in New Jersey today when a very large bug started darting around on the inside of my car. I screamed and swerved, then got my bearings and opened the window. The bug did not want to leave. I tried to coax him out the window by poking near him with my Mapquest (I didn't want to actually poke him, as he might fall on me). He still wouldn't leave. Eventually, I had to pull into a McDonald's parking lot and get out of the car. This was not easy, as I was driving on a highway. I also had to climb over the parking break and out the passenger-side door since I had seen the bug on the driver-side door.

Then I couldn't find the bug. So I opened all four doors and all of a sudden he came running out from under some boxes in the back seat. He disappeared again.

I stood in the McDonald's parking lot for 15 minutes trying to find the bug. I even got the McDonald's trash guy to move a box because I thought the bug might be under the box. He didn't understand English and was very confused at my request. He thought I might want him to carry the box inside, and then he kept staring back at me as I stood in the parking lot, smacking a towel around in the car, banging on the seat and doing other strange things.

I never found the bug, but I think he may have left when I wasn't looking. If he didn't leave, and if I get into a car accident in the next few days, you'll know why.

Snakes on a plane!

I saw it last night. There were snakes. On a plane. Biting people in very bad places. It was a good time.

Why they should teach grammar/vocab in schools

Well, I've decided to try to sublet a room for the first month and then spend that month looking for a one-bedroom, and in my search I've run into some real fun.

Why they should teach grammar in schools:

hi its a room in my house so it is furnished the rent
depends on if you will help out with the place like cleaning and
whatever are u in la now i would really have to trust you so you
need to tell me as much as possible about you why only workin here for
a month what will u be doing tell me as much as you can thankls

Why they should teach vocab in schools:

Hi, I have a room 5 minutes from East Brunswick. Please let me know
how long you pretend to rent it for and what you're looking to pay.

Apartment fun

Well I've finally found a job, which means the apartment hunt has begun. So far, I've discovered that I will have to either a) live in a town called "one of the best places in the country to retire," a few miles outside of the city where I'll be working; b) Not eat, and instead use my entire paycheck to pay rent; or c) Live in a cardboard box until the affordable apartments open up on Sept. 15 or Oct. 1.

My other option is deciphering e-mails such as this from Craigslist posters:

My e-mail:
I'm writing to inquire about the one-bedroom apartments you have available. Is one still available? When's the earliest possible move-in date? What isthe square footage? Are any utilities included in the rent?
Thank you.

The response:
Dear Erica,
The apartment is very nice and clean. I would like for you to see the apartment to see if like the apartment. You could move in any time and date.... But you would have to fill out an appilcation.
Thank you