Grand exits

You know how sometimes you want to make one of those making-a-point exits, where you get the last words and walk emphatically out the door and leave? Apparently, I suck at those.

I got the first part right, saying my last words, walking out, shutting the door and getting into my car. Then I turned the car on on, backed up... and promptly hit a mailbox.

So I pulled forward and backed up again, then pulled into the one open space (I was in this little alleyway where you can only exit one side, so I had to turn around and go in the opposite direction). I didn't pull anywhere near straight into the space, and came about an inch away from hitting a pickup truck. So I backed up again, and had to pull forward again to complete my 10-point turn.

I hit the fence.

By the time I was about to pull out, the person I was trying to make the grand exit on was standing in the doorway looking at me, trying (I assume) to figure out what was taking me so long to pull out. Took a grand total of about 10 minutes.

God I'm awesome.

I won't butcher your name if you don't butcher mine

I understand corporate desires to try to personalize their customer service, and use people's names instead of just 'Sir' or 'Ma'am,' even if I disagree with it and would rather they give me my shit and move on.

But I can't understand, no matter how hard I try, why they bother when they're very clearly going to butcher your name. Sure, my last name's a little long, so it's not completely ludicrous that they get intimidated by it when they see it on my credit card. And as sick as I am of being called, "Ms. HAR-bit-kin", "Ms. Har-BOT-kin", etc., I can see -- to an extent -- where these semi-literate people are coming from.

But the woman at Safeway today called me "Ms. Har-bar", and I just don't get it. I looked at her funny and told her she didn't even try. I mean, she didn't even get three syllables in there.

I'd rather be called "Ma'am" or "Miss" or, fuck, even "Dude" than Ms. Harbar.

And I really think these corporate schmucks who make their minimum-wage employees try to read names to should strongly reconsider their policies. That's all. I just think they should reconsider.

For the CHILDREN

The parent of a kid who plays youth football called today and told me we don't have enough photos of kids playing football. That's right. We devote like two pages of every Monday paper to youth football, but it's not enough. He was particularly annoyed that we used a file photo of the game his kid played instead of going out and taking new pictures. It's true. Instead of dropping everything else to take pictures of every youth football game going on, we used an old photo. We're jerks. Horrible people. Deserving of death, if you ask me.

But here's the best part:
This isn't about me, the guy said. This isn't about my own kids. It's about the CHILDREN. For the CHILDREN. Did you know all the CHILDREN wake up Monday morning and the first thing they do is run to the doorstep to get the paper? They run as fast as they can out there and pick up the paper and look at what was written about them that week. Don't you see? It's for the children.

In other words, my kid plays again on Sunday at 2. Put a picture of him in the paper or I'll call and pester you even more.

We write the names of every kid who gets a tackle or an assist, and every last one of them deserves it, right? I LOVE small-town mentality.

Democracy: the freedom to set things on fire

So as I'm sure you know, protests in Argentina turned violent today outside a free trade summit attended by Shrub. Shrub, who was trying to encourage negotiations that had fallen flat, was met by people holding signs saying Fire Bush and launching gasoline bombs into the air.

When asked about this response, U.S. commerce secretary Carlos M. Gutierrez responded that these riots — or acts of free speech, as he likes to call them — are simply proof that Bush's efforts to promote freedom and democracy across the world have been successful.

I just found a quote:
Gutierrez called the riots — er... demonstrations "a great testament to the president's vision of spreading democracies to all countries around the world."

After all, the people of Venezuela had the FREEDOM to set fires, throw rocks and firebombs and run around with steel clubs. It's pretty great.

Can someone explain?

OK getting off the subject of kittens for a minute. The latest Washington Post-ABC polls came out yesterday, and here are some numbers that perhaps indicate the pure ridiculousness of some of the people in this country.
• 32 percent of Americans would rate Bush's handling of ethics in government as 'excellent' or 'good.' This for the man who praised Scooter Libby after he submitted his resignation after BEING INDICTED FOR LYING TO A GRAND JURY AND OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE.
• 1 percent of Americans believe "people like you" (meaning people like them) have too much influence in the Bush administration. This number was as high as 5 percent in Sept. 2003. I understand this isn't a huge percentage, but... seriously?
• 40 percent of Americans believe Bush is "honest and trustworthy." Again, not a majority, but FORTY PERCENT. So Bush didn't mislead anyone about WMD, he didn't praise Libby on the heels of an indictment, and he didn't continue to support Rove (who at least 437 "anonymous sources" have told the Washington Post played a role in the CIA leak). Honest and Trustworthy. Of course.
---> I wonder if these are all part of the 44 percent who believe "the Bush administration told the American public what it believed to be true."
• 30 percent of Americans believe "things in this country are generally going in the right direction." Forget 2,000 soldiers dying, forget the CIA leak, forget the DeLay indictment, the Frist case, the closed-door session of Congress. Things are going GREAT.
• 26 percent of Americans approve of "the situation with gasoline prices." I don't know what else to say about this.
• 31 percent of Americans believe Fitzgerald's entire case is based on political motivations.

Again, I understand these numbers don't reflect the majority, but... I just don't understand.

Fiver's new home

Well Fiver's finally moved on — he spent the night in his new home for the first time yesterday. The lady sent me a picture, so I'm posting it here.

He seems happy, I think. The lady says he's purring a lot, so that's a good sign. OK pump me up people - tell me how cute he is.