I don't wanna hear it, Aviva. I'm making it a verb.
So I returned from China on Wednesday, and I'm in Santa Monica now. But it looks like I'll probably be driving across the country very soon... looks like beginning July 7. Now let's not get too excited here. This isn't because I have a job, or, for that matter, any prospects. It *is* because I believe I will never, ever get a job on the East Coast if I don't move to the East Coast. So that's what I'm doing. Nomadding.
For now, and into the future, I can be reached on my cell phone, the same number I've had as long as I've had a cell phone, which I think I e-mailed to just about everyone who ever checks this thing. If I haven't sent it to you, feel free to e-mail and ask (Gotta keep the number away from all my crazy fans who follow my every move, of course). And I can also be reached at my brother's number till July 6.
So that's the word.
I'll keep everyone updated.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Some keen Shanghai salesmanship
I was looking at a skirt in a store in this mall under the train station in People's Square, and the woman comes up to me and says, "No, big." This led me to look more closely at the tag on the skirt that I had simply been glancing at, and I saw that it was a size small, which is, in fact, my size. So why was she telling me that this was too big for me?
She wasn't.
When I realized this I looked at her and asked, "I'm big?"
"Yes," she said. "BIIIG," and she made the fatty gesture, like the circumference of my waist is approximately equivalent to that of Jupiter's largest moon.
"I no big," I said, and then started laughing because a) I was being called a fatty by a salesgirl, and b) I had just used broken English to match her broken English.
"BIIIIIIG," she said, not understanding why I was arguing this obvious fact. Then she looked through the row of skirts and took out a Large for me. "Big," she said again, and then looked at the label. "Laaaaarge."
"No," I said. "Small."
She was very confused by this statement, apparently thinking her English vocabularly may be deceiving her. So she put her hands on my waist to see what size I truly was.
I removed them.
"No. Big." I said. "Just. Looking."
She looked confused.
"Just. Looking." I repeated. "You. Leave."
"OK, OK, you look," she said, at this point realizing she'd done something wrong but having no idea what it was.
I left, too, and have decided not to do any more shopping in China. I mean, I did put on a few pounds in Europe, but I ain't no Large-- I don't care what country I'm in.
She wasn't.
When I realized this I looked at her and asked, "I'm big?"
"Yes," she said. "BIIIG," and she made the fatty gesture, like the circumference of my waist is approximately equivalent to that of Jupiter's largest moon.
"I no big," I said, and then started laughing because a) I was being called a fatty by a salesgirl, and b) I had just used broken English to match her broken English.
"BIIIIIIG," she said, not understanding why I was arguing this obvious fact. Then she looked through the row of skirts and took out a Large for me. "Big," she said again, and then looked at the label. "Laaaaarge."
"No," I said. "Small."
She was very confused by this statement, apparently thinking her English vocabularly may be deceiving her. So she put her hands on my waist to see what size I truly was.
I removed them.
"No. Big." I said. "Just. Looking."
She looked confused.
"Just. Looking." I repeated. "You. Leave."
"OK, OK, you look," she said, at this point realizing she'd done something wrong but having no idea what it was.
I left, too, and have decided not to do any more shopping in China. I mean, I did put on a few pounds in Europe, but I ain't no Large-- I don't care what country I'm in.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Things I've learned about the Shanghainese
1) They talk. Loud.
2) They perpetually honk their horns. There could be one person on the road. And that one person would still be honking his horn. In Shanghai the traffic lights turn yellow right before they turn green, and I had a bus driver the other day who would honk his horn when it turned yellow.
3) When you're trying to figure out how much things cost, instead of showing you the numbers with their fingers like in every other country I've been to, they make strange hand gestures, like their fingers are doing a little dance. Then they absolutely don't understand why you don't understand.
4) People with motorcycles ride along on the sidewalk, and honk and pedestrians. This is completely legal.
5) At least half the cabbies have no idea where they're going.
6) They like their humidity. They even make sure that it's humid *inside.*
7) The hospitals are dirtier than the train stations.
In any case, I'm going to take a big stride here and not go up to 10. That's right. I'm going to leave my list at seven, which is not only *not* a multiple of 5 -- it's an odd number. And I'm OK with that.
Anyway Shanghai isn't so bad. I've been to the zoo, where I had to flip out on a couple of people who were harrassing the cougar and the leopard (it was fun -- I finally had to show them the throat-slitting gesture to make them understand). I've been to a couple of temples, and I've been to this market, where you can get any name brand product for about $5. They're all knock-offs, but they're made by the same people who work for the companies anyway.
So that's Shanghai, so far. Today there's not much to do because a huge portion of the city is closed off because of some conference. Apparently you're allowed there but they don't recommend it.
2) They perpetually honk their horns. There could be one person on the road. And that one person would still be honking his horn. In Shanghai the traffic lights turn yellow right before they turn green, and I had a bus driver the other day who would honk his horn when it turned yellow.
3) When you're trying to figure out how much things cost, instead of showing you the numbers with their fingers like in every other country I've been to, they make strange hand gestures, like their fingers are doing a little dance. Then they absolutely don't understand why you don't understand.
4) People with motorcycles ride along on the sidewalk, and honk and pedestrians. This is completely legal.
5) At least half the cabbies have no idea where they're going.
6) They like their humidity. They even make sure that it's humid *inside.*
7) The hospitals are dirtier than the train stations.
In any case, I'm going to take a big stride here and not go up to 10. That's right. I'm going to leave my list at seven, which is not only *not* a multiple of 5 -- it's an odd number. And I'm OK with that.
Anyway Shanghai isn't so bad. I've been to the zoo, where I had to flip out on a couple of people who were harrassing the cougar and the leopard (it was fun -- I finally had to show them the throat-slitting gesture to make them understand). I've been to a couple of temples, and I've been to this market, where you can get any name brand product for about $5. They're all knock-offs, but they're made by the same people who work for the companies anyway.
So that's Shanghai, so far. Today there's not much to do because a huge portion of the city is closed off because of some conference. Apparently you're allowed there but they don't recommend it.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Shanghai
So it looks like I can update my blog, but I can't view it from behind the great firewall of China. Anyway I got to Shanghai last night, and I'll be here through the 20th. Haven't done anything yet, but I'll keep you guys updated on things as I do them...
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Shoulda been a zookeeper...
So I'm headed to China for two weeks on Monday, and I had to apply for a Chinese visa. Well everything was all set, the place told me I could pick up my visa on Friday, and all of a sudden I got a call from them yesterday.
Apparently the Chinese consulate was very concerned about my career, which is listed as "journalist."
I hadn't even thought about that, especially since I had kind of thought of China as a much more progressive place than, say, Morocco, where I decided not to write "journalist" on the visa application. I wrote "sportswriter," Nicole wrote "zookeeper," and neither of us ran into any trouble.
As for the Chinese consulate, I had to go back in yesterday and write a letter saying that I did not plan to practice any of my journalism while in China. I wonder if I would have had to write that letter if I'd listed my profession as witch?
Apparently the Chinese consulate was very concerned about my career, which is listed as "journalist."
I hadn't even thought about that, especially since I had kind of thought of China as a much more progressive place than, say, Morocco, where I decided not to write "journalist" on the visa application. I wrote "sportswriter," Nicole wrote "zookeeper," and neither of us ran into any trouble.
As for the Chinese consulate, I had to go back in yesterday and write a letter saying that I did not plan to practice any of my journalism while in China. I wonder if I would have had to write that letter if I'd listed my profession as witch?
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