They know when you are sleeping, they know when you're awake...

The title of this blog post, incidentally, is why I hate the holidays. The endless Christmas music playing everywhere melts my brain into something that can't think of anything more creative than a play on a bad Christmas song. And a *bad* play on a bad Christmas song, at that.

That said...

I have determined that Gmail's sponsored ad program is, by far, the smartest one out there. Most sites give me an assorted mix of cell phone ads, celebrity gossip sites, and store ads. Here is the list of Gmail ads alongside my latest e-mail (which seriously only mentioned cats once, among a bunch of other things):

Kittentanz Cattery

Tonkinese Kittens
Happy, healthy kittens-Guaranteed!
www.kittentanz.com

Spot Drops Are Dangerous

Stop Killing Pets With Chemicals Scientific Data and Testimonials
www.cedarcidestore.com

Ragdoll Cats & Kittens

Beautiful & Loving Ragdoll Kittens Available. Fuzzy Cuddly Snugglers!
www.ElegantRags.com

Angels' Eyes-Tear Stains

Eliminate Tear Stains in Cats. Works From the Inside Out
www.AngelsEyesOnline.com

Cat World Domination?

Chairman Meow, Monorail Cat, and funny lolcats t-shirts.
www.obeythekitty.com

Kittens

Looking for Kittens?
Find exactly what you want today.
Yahoo.com

More about...

Cute Kitten »

Cat Kitten Pictures »

Kitty »

New Kittens »

Me.

From xkcd.com:

"Well, shit"-- er, golly waddle

I usually provide my own commentary on these things, but when it comes to FCC v. Fox Television Stations (whether the FCC can punish a station for using a single dirty word), I don't think anyone can do better than Dahlia Lithwick.

Here's a sampling, but I'd recommend you read the whole thing:

Mostly, though, it's a bitterly disappointing day for those of us who'd looked forward to hearing some filthy words at the high court. But, having run the whole case through the FCC's highly subjective, context-based smut filter, I did come up with the following list of dirty words from today's arguments: Briefs. Golden globes. First blow. Dung. Pipeline. Jolly-woggle. Perhaps it's true that the Supreme Court can take away our F-bomb. But they cannot touch our dirty, dirty minds.

For what it's worth, here's the oral argument transcript, but even I didn't read the whole thing.

Holtzy Honda

I don't think I posted anything when I named my new car, Holtzy Honda, but I thought You People should know that Holtzy's namesake, Rush Holt, is being honored by the ACLU this year.

First of all, you should know the reasoning behind Holtzy Honda's name:
1) Alliteration is required in my car names, so his name needed to start with either an H for Honda or an A for Accord.
2) Names need to end in 'y' or anything that generates the requisite "ee" sound.
2a) For background, past family cars have been Tommy Toyota, Danny Datsun, Sammy Sentra, Cati Camry, and of course, Hessy Honda.
3) Holtzy is from North Brunswick.
4) North Brunswick is part of New Jersey's 12th congressional district.
5) Since 1999, New Jersey's 12th congressional district has been represented by Democratic Rep. Rush Holt, a bona fide rocket scientist and a five-time Jeopardy winner.

Now, the ACLU's reasoning for honoring Holt, according to a press release sent Friday (some are better than others):

1. He's a straight-A student. He scored 100 percent on the ACLU's scorecard for the 110th Congress - A+!
2. He has distinguished himself as a fighter for Americans' voting rights, introducing several bills throughout the years to stop voter intimidation and guarantee secure voting.
3. He always votes with the First Amendment when it's needed most, including when he voted against a proposed constitutional amendment to ban flag desecration, which nearly passed in 2006.
4. He authored a bill that would have voided the blank check Congress gave the NSA to spy on Americans during the debate to reform the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act.
5. He is Congress' sole five-time winner of Jeopardy.
6. As the chairman of the House Select Intelligence Oversight Panel, he has led the charge to investigate destruction of CIA interrogation tapes.
7. He introduced legislation to stop detainee abuse.
8. He stands strong for the rights of women, minorities, people with disabilities and the communities of both New Jersey and America.
9. He has firsthand expertise in some of Congress' most challenging issues. Before becoming a congressman, he was a teacher, an arms control expert, and assistant director of the Princeton Plasma Physics Laboratory, the largest center for research in alternative energy in the state.
10. Congressman Holt really is a rocket scientist.

Renegades at the zoo

I was in D.C. over the weekend, so Liza and I decided to go to the zoo. By the time we finally stumbled out of bed, ate breakfast, drank a sufficient amount of coffee, got dressed and got to the zoo, it was 3:40 p.m.

Normally that wouldn't be a problem because the zoo is open until 6 p.m. But apparently it closes at 4 p.m. three days a year for "Boo at the Zoo," a Halloween thing for kids.

So there was a lady stationed at the zoo entrance to scare everyone from coming in. I guess technically, they couldn't prohibit entrance before closing, but they really tried to discourage it. She made us stop and stand there for three minutes (like, 15 percent of our available time there), while she amassed a large enough group to yell at that they were closing in 10 minutes (a lie -- they weren't closing for 15 minutes).

But Liza and I wanted to see big cats, so we went in.

It occurred to us pretty quickly that enforcing a closing time for some visitors while allowing "Boo at the Zoo" people to stay was going to be just about impossible, so we decided to try our luck and walk all the way to the far end of the zoo, where the lions and tigers live.

Along the way, zoo employees in pickup trucks barreled down the main walkway with bullhorns and yelled for everyone to leave. Again, this was difficult to enforce because parking lots are located at each end, so the Bullhorn People didn't know who was coming and who was going.

But Liza and I are not slick.

While everyone else walked naturally, we darted around, panic-stricken, and ducked behind trash cans/trees/walls whenever we thought we saw a zoo employee.

In the end, we got completely lost and wanted someone with a bullhorn to find us and kick us out -- we had already seen a lion and tiger and we figured the Bullhorn Person would give us a ride to the exit. That's when we realized they couldn't care less. We passed at least 10 zoo employees after almost everyone else had left, and they barely even looked at us. One tried to give us directions ("go straight, walk through the farm, and make a left at the brick road").

Turns out, the only one who cared was the lady at the entrance.

In other news, I have decided that Mattie is part fishing cat.

Because he lost a bet?

I meant to post this last week, but I'm assuming You People haven't seen it yet anyway, so you can pretend it's timely.

So the Supreme Court denied a cert petition to hear Pennsylvania v. Dunlap, which dealt with whether police have probable cause to make an arrest if they see people in a high-crime neighborhood exchanging cash for "small objects." The Pennsylvania Supreme Court found that the officers lacked probable cause, so Dunlap's Fourth Amendment rights were violated when they arrested him. Robert and Kennedy disagree.

But here's the fun:

The Supreme Court denied review of the case, so Roberts wrote a dissent from the denial. Generally, I would think, dissents from denial are as bland as they sound (not that I read them), but I think I agree with mystery writer Paul Levine's theory that Roberts lost a bet on this one.* The dissent starts like this:

North Philly, May 4, 2001. Officer Sean Devlin, Narcotics Strike Force, was working the morning shift. Undercover surveillance. The neighborhood? Tough as a three dollar steak. Devlin knew. Five years on the beat, nine months with the Strike Force. He’d made fifteen, twenty drug busts in the neighborhood.

Devlin spotted him: a lone man on the corner. Another approached. Quick exchange of words. Cash handed over; small objects handed back. Each man then quickly on his own way. Devlin knew the guy wasn’t buying bus tokens. He radioed a description and Officer Stein picked up thebuyer. Sure enough: three bags of crack in the guy’s pocket. Head downtown and book him. Just another day at the office.

And then he continues, as if nothing had happened, in typical court language.

Levine, via Tony Mauro in the Legal Times blog:

"My guess is that the chief lost a bet with Scalia on the baseball playoffs. If Roberts wins the next wager, Scalia will have to write an opinion in iambic pentameter."

I hope so.

*(For the record, Orin Kerr's theory is less fun but more likely -- that Roberts knew this would get the attention of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court, whose decision he wanted to reverse.)

On ambition...

I "adopted" a Guatemalan girl through Children International (it's a registered non-profit based out of Kansas City, it's not religious, all the money goes toward education and necessities) in January of this year. Anyway, when I started this thing in January, the girl, Evelin, wrote me a letter saying she likes playing with dolls, running, painting, etc., etc., etc., and that she wants to be an engineer when she grows up. Ten months later, she sent another letter.

Saying she wants to be a secretary.

What are they doing to her?

Ryder!

So Liza finally sent new photos of Ryder, whom, you'll recall, a coworker found darting around in rush hour traffic on Ryders Lane earlier this year...

New Fiver pics!

I solicit new pictures about once a year from the lady who adopted Fiver. She wrote back that "he's still as fantastic as ever." OBVIOUSLY. He's the awesomest.

I gave him to her three years ago Nov. 1, which makes him nearly 3½ years old. So weird. Anyway he continues to look happy. And sexy.

Yawning cat!

Suchaslut.

Being the cutest cat on the bed.

Sleeeepy.

He's so shiny. Why isn't A.M. shiny like that?

Fiver's mom is pregnant with her first child, and Fiver has become all snuggly with her. Apparently he likes babies? You'd think I would have rubbed off more on him...

And new Mattie pictures are coming -- I've just been too lazy to upload them from my phone.

Scalia is back in the lead

So as you may be able to tell, I periodically read Supreme Court oral arguments to break up the monotony of whatever notes I'm typing or story I'm writing.

Scalia has regained the lead for his question today in Crawford v. Metro, the case out of Nashville in which an employer argued a woman who spoke out in an internal sexual harassment investigation is not protected under Title VII because she did not file a "formal complaint." (cert petition here)

Well the justices were peppering the attorney arguing for Crawford, posing all these hypotheticals about what would and wouldn't be protected under Title VII.

And Scalia takes it here:

What if -- what if I am indeed very much in favor of sexual harassment? I am a world class sexual harasser, but I'm also not a liar, and I'm -- I am subpoenaed or called up by the employer in connection with this internal investigation and asked whether so-and-so harassed a particular worker. And I'd say, yes, as a matter of fact, he did, and a good thing too.
Is that expressing opposition?

I Gant think of a witty headline for this (that's right, I went to Lameland, but you're the one reading the blog, Lame-o)

From today's oral argument in Arizona v. Gant, the case where Arizona said its police officers can conduct a warrantless search of someone's car after that person has already been cuffed. (Fatty wanted a blog mention, so I'm giving it to her here. Keep reading, Fatty. It's more than a synopsis of a Supreme Court case.) Arguing for Arizona, Joseph Maziarz said the person who is cuffed in the back of the squad car could still pose a threat to the officers.

The oral arguments made me laugh. I usually like Scalia's comments, but Souter wins this one:

MR. MAZIARZ: In -- in our reply brief we pointed out in 2007 there were 93 reported cases where arrestees cuffed in the back of a patrol car escaped. So it -- it's very possible this could happen. Now, you have to know --

JUSTICE SOUTER: Do you know of any one of those cases in which the officer got hurt? Do you know of any one of those cases in which the person who got out of the police cruiser made a beeline for -- for his own car?
In fact, so far as I know, we are -- we are not even sure that those people came out of automobiles before they were put in a police cruiser. But do you know of any case in which they went to their own car and tried to get a gun to hurt the cop?

MR. MAZIARZ: In one of the cases the arrestee went to his vehicle but simply took off and led the police on a high-speed chase, but none in -- where they went to the vehicle and grabbed a weapon.

JUSTICE SOUTER: Did he -- did he have --have his hands handcuffed behind his back?

MR. MAZIARZ: Yes. Yes, he had --

JUSTICE SOUTER: And he was able to drive the car?

MR. MAZIARZ: Yes. Well, Your Honor, it's my understanding -- I'm not an expert on this, but it's my understanding from reading some of these cases --

JUSTICE SOUTER: I'd really like to meet him.

JUSTICE SCALIA: I wouldn't. I'll bet you that in most of those cases the -- the felon got out the other -- other door of the car while the policeman was searching the vehicle.

"That is not so"

I haven't heard this addressed much (after I ran a search I did find some responses, although none in the mainstream media except for on an ABC blog), so I'll post it here for you guys. Did anyone else notice that Sarah Palin made an inaccurate sweeping policy statement about McCain's stance on the subprime mortgage crisis? Biden talked about wanting to allow bankruptcy courts to adjust the principal owed on mortgages, and said he didn't believe the McCain campaign supported that. Ifill, in turn, asked Palin if Biden had McCain's stance correct.

Here's the exchange:

Biden (in essentially dodging a question about him and Obama voting differently on the bankruptcy bill):
... Number two, with regard to bankruptcy now, Gwen, what we should be doing now -- and Barack Obama and I support it -- we should be allowing bankruptcy courts to be able to re-adjust not just the interest rate you're paying on your mortgage to be able to stay in your home, but be able to adjust the principal that you owe, the principal that you owe.

That would keep people in their homes, actually help banks by keeping it from going under. But John McCain, as I understand it -- I'm not sure of this, but I believe John McCain and the governor don't support that.

There are ways to help people now. And there -- ways that we're offering are not being supported by -- by the Bush administration nor do I believe by John McCain and Gov. Palin.

IFILL: Gov. Palin, is that so?

PALIN: That is not so, but because that's just a quick answer, I want to talk about, again, my record on energy versus your ticket's energy ticket, also. ...

The reality is that McCain does not support allowing bankruptcy judges to readjust principal. From ABC's fact check:

The Senate has voted only once this year on legislation that would change bankruptcy laws to help distressed homeowners. John McCain was absent for that vote. Contrary to what Palin says, the McCain campaign acknowledges that he does not support those changes to bankruptcy laws.

Watching the debate, it seemed to me that Palin had no idea what Biden said -- that she either wasn't paying attention, lost focus, or just didn't get it -- and assumed she was responding to some sort of attack rather than a substantive policy question. Thoughts?

Yes, I believe the sky is blue -- but that doesn't mean I think the sky is blue

Couric: Why, in your view, is Roe v. Wade a bad decision?

Palin: I think it should be a states' issue, not a federal government-mandated, mandating yes or no on such an important issue. I'm, in that sense, a federalist, where I believe that states should have more say in the laws of their lands and individual areas. Now, foundationally, also, though, it's no secret that I'm pro-life that I believe in a culture of life is very important for this country. Personally that's what I would like to see, um, further embraced by America.

Couric: Do you think there's an inherent right to privacy in the Constitution?

Palin: I do. Yeah, I do.

Couric: That's the cornerstone of Roe v. Wade.

Palin: I do. And I believe that individual states can best handle what the people within the different constituencies in the 50 states would like to see their will ushered in an issue like that.

And Congress thought the Treasury needed oversight...

Forbes asked a spokeswoman how the Treasury arrived at the $700 billion figure. Her response?

"It's not based on any particular data point," a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. "We just wanted to choose a really large number."

From the Volokh Conspiracy:

Why not 12 gazillion?

But firing them in person "would have been unpleasant!"

So you guys probably know that the inspector general's report on the firings of the nine U.S. attorneys has been released. What you probably didn't know was there was no malice or political seediness in the process -- just evasion of unpleasantness:

From Legal Times:

Pg. 50: Michael Battle, then Director of the Executive Office for U.S Attorneys, fired the nine U.S. attorneys over the telephone. But at one point, Justice Department officials floated the idea of having then Deputy Attorney General Paul McNulty sack them in person. McNulty, who is criticized in the report for being “remarkably unengaged” in firing process, told investigators that, in the report's words, “it would have been unpleasant to tell the U.S. attorneys they were being removed.” Sampson similarly told investigators that McNulty was cool to idea “because it would have made him uncomfortable.” Besides, McNulty told investigators, Battle’s phone calls were consistent with the plan to keep the firings in a “lower key.”

Battle had a list of talking points and a script he could retreat to if someone started asking questions. Also from Legal Times:

If the U.S. attorneys questioned their dismissal and asked who authorized it, Battle was to retreat to this script: “The Administration made the determination to seek the resignations (not a specific person at the White house or the Department of Justice.)” If they asked “why me,” the response was: “The Administration is grateful for your service, but wants to give someone else a chance to serve in your district.” And if they asked for more time: “The decision is to have a new Acting or Interim U.S. attorney in place by January 31, 2007 (granting ‘extensions’ would hinder the process of getting a new U.S. attorney in place and giving that person the opportunity to serve for a full two years.”

And finally, an excerpt from an e-mail from Sampson to Deputy White House Counsel David Leitch:

as an operational matter, we would like to replace 15-20 percent of the current U.S. Attorneys – the underperforming ones. (This is a rough guess; we might want to consider doing performance evaluations after Judge [Gonzales] comes on board.) The vast majority of U.S. Attorneys, 80-85 percent, I would guess, are doing a great job, are loyal Bushies, etc., etc.

Because it's been too long...

Sleepy Mattie.

She wakes up when you call her, briefly opens her eyes, looks at you, and then goes back to sleep.

There's the tongue again.

I can't tell if she's yawning or meowing here. I think yawning...

She's starting to get too big to go places where she used to be able to fit. There's a dresser she likes to hang out underneath, and she just barely fits there now, so she has to slither in and out on her belly (which proves especially difficult when she is trying to chase something). Sometimes her back leg gets in the way while she's trying to slither and she thinks it's attacking her.

Awesome.

So I'm finally posting after 14 days of dormancy, and this is all you get:


In other news my brother's cat, President Cat, has taken to flinging his poo across the room. I told Daniel to take it as a sign that Prez is getting smarter (aren't monkeys supposed to be smarter than cats?), but he's considerably less amused than I am.

"Why lose it to some guy in the backseat of a Toyota when you can pay for your education?"

A 22-year-old San Diego girl is "auctioning" her virginity to pay for her graduate degree. She has a bachelor's in women's studies from Sacramento State and wants to get a master's in marriage and family therapy.

"We live in a capitalist society," she said to the Daily News. "Why shouldn't I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?"

OK. So I'll start with the obvious statement that trading sex for money is not an auction -- it's prostitution. EBay, incidentally, rejected her, so she will be holding the "auction" through a Nevada brothel, the Moonlight Bunny Ranch.

"I think it's a tremendous idea," the owner of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch said, according to Reuters. "Why lose it to some guy in the backseat of a Toyota when you can pay for your education?"

My new car

This is my new car:

I pick him/her (I haven't decided yet) up tomorrow morning. It's a 2003 Honda Accord LX with 70,000 miles. You can't really tell from the photo but the exterior is that dark gray color.

It's relatively sexy, I think. I'm content...

"I've been called worse on the basketball court"

I hadn't seen this before, so I'll pass it on, sans commentary.

Obama, responding to the public vetting of Palin (via Writ Large, which traveled with the Obama campaign this week):

“Listen, I mean, if they want to work the refs, they are free to do so,” he said. “I think the public can make their judgments about this. The notion that any questions about her work in Alaska is somehow not relevant to her potential to be vice president of the United States doesn’t make too much sense.

“I think she’s got a compelling story, but I assume she wants to be treated the way guys want to be treated. That means our records are under scrutiny. I’ve been through this for 19 months. She’s been through it, what, four days so far?”

He said he wasn’t responding to Palin’s attacks because “I’m running against John McCain. I don’t get the sense that Gov. Palin has ideas different than John McCain.”

But, Obama said, the criticism “isn’t that big of a deal.”

“I’ve been called worse on the basketball court,” he said.

Meanwhile, here's Biden's response to Palin's RNC speech (via the Washington Post):

At a town hall meeting in Virginia Beach, Biden called Palin a formidable politician and said he was impressed by her speech, which he said was stocked with "good, funny lines. . . . I'm glad they weren't about me. I was sitting there thinking, 'Whoa, zinger.'"

Sexy sleeping kitten

I am without words.

Sexism?

Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not hearing any of the mainstream media, liberal pundits or anyone in the Obama campaign assail Palin for not staying home with her children. I'm hearing the McCain campaign, the Republican base, and the conservative pundits talk about it, accusing the "liberal media" and the Dems of being sexist. But I haven't actually heard that criticism in the mainstream media or the Democratic base.

Here's the accusation...

From the San Francisco Chronicle:

The accusations came at an angry press conference today starring former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, who lead the charge, and California State Secretary of Consumer Services and former U.S. Treasurer Rosario Marin, who were among others here at the Xcel Energy Center.

Marin, speaking to Spanish-language media: "It has insulted me, it has offended me, how they've treated Gov. Palin ... It's unacceptable."

"They feel they have the authority to question her -- and when they do they insult every woman who is trying to balance work and family. There are millions of women doing just that."

More Marin: "They are questioning whether you can be a mother and a professional, because she's running for higher office? How shameful that the media is mounting this campaign and insulting every woman in doing so." She called it a form of media "machismo."

So did any of this actually happen? Or are the Fiorina-types creating controversy that isn't there? Or quoting the tabs as the mainstream media?

Here's Roger Simon's response to the accusations in Politico.

The Daily Show did a phenomenal job last night of pitting the Republicans against themselves:

And this amused me because I am immature and lame:

Maybe if we omit that line about going with McCain to the strip club...

The McCain vice presidential nominee RNC address was prepared in advance, and then apparently had to be scrapped because it was "very masculine," according to the McCain campaign manager. From the Washington Post:

Not anticipating that McCain would choose a woman as his running mate, the speech that was prepared in advance was "very masculine," according to campaign manager Rick Davis, and "we had to start from scratch."

OK. So putting aside my confusion over what constitutes masculinity in a convention speech (grunts? jockstraps? chest-pounding? beer? references to male genitalia? references to female genitalia?), my real question is why the McCain camp would tell this to the media.

If you're going to say the Palin selection is based on her qualifications and character, rather than her gender, stick with it.

Not to mention, McCain's people are calling Palin critics sexist. This is either about gender or it isn't. And if you're rewriting speeches on account of gender, well........

That's it--

--I'm appropriating Mattie.

Sexy kitten!

Mattie is getting all big. But look how sexy she is, spread-eagle with her tongue sticking out.


I have this same picture from when she was tiny, but for some reason my phone wouldn't let me e-mail it to the computer. Anyway she was in the same exact position but with one eye a little closed. Now she's all big with both eyes open.

I'd post more photos of Ryder, but Liza takes millions and then never uploads them.

In other news, when the old man in my building saw that I have a rental car and found out my car was totaled, he thought for a second and said, "You have really bad luck, don't you?"

Seriously? He's a lonely old man who gets out twice a month for his diabetes doctor appointments and has a coke-addict son. And from where he stands, *I'm* the one with bad luck?

More quotes of the day to come

I'll start by saying I feel completely gypped by the promised find-out-first veep text coming five hours after the Secret Service landed in Delaware.

But I'll put that behind me for now, because I think Biden is going to make for a Very Entertaining VP candidate.

A Politico story referred to a primary debate last year -- one of the send-in-your-YouTube-questions debates:

Via a video clip, a man identifying himself as Jered Townsend from Clio, Mich., said: “To all the candidates, tell me your position on gun control, as myself and other Americans really want to know if our babies are safe.”

Then Townsend picked up what appeared to be a semiautomatic assault rifle. “This is my baby, purchased under the 1994 gun ban,” he said. “Please tell me your views. Thank you.”

So Bill Richardson answered first, talking about instant background checks and attacking poverty rather than Second Amendment rights, etc., etc., etc.

And then Biden was asked the same question:

“I’ll tell you what, if that is his baby, he needs help,” Biden said. “I don’t know that he is mentally qualified to own that gun.”

Biden went on to say that he was “the guy who originally wrote the assault weapons ban” and “we should be working with law enforcement, right now, to make sure that we protect people against people who are not capable of knowing what to do with a gun because they’re either mentally imbalanced and/or because they have a criminal record.”

Then Biden added sardonically: “I hope he doesn’t come looking for me.”

Yeah. This is going to be fun.

Oh, and just for good measure, yawning Mattie...

Quotes of the day

1) The first is from Joe Biden, whose house is being staked out by the press. You can click on the Politico story for the context, but I prefer it out of context so:
"A successful dump!" Biden proclaimed when asked if he had anything to report. ... "I got a second load. Anybody that wants to help me and load, let me know."
And credit Fox News (did I just say that?) for a phenomenal headline. "Potential No. 2 has 'successful dump'"

2) I'm newly obsessed with Jim Oliphant's new blog, Writ Large. Oliphant is the Supreme Court reporter at the Chicago Tribune and my new favorite with Linda Greenhouse gone, but he starts mornings with a non-courts post -- a random dialogue between him and Jim Tankersley. That's the background. Here's the quote:

I’m done waiting for Obama to make his veep choice. I’m sitting around, time on my hands, not sure what to do with myself. Last night, I cleaned my place! Cleaned it. At night! I even cleaned out my refrigerator. You know what my refrigerator has become? Gitmo for vegetables. It’s where awful things happen to vegetables in small chambers.

*Tap*tap* -- is this thing still on?

So I was giving the car insurance company a recorded statement Saturday regarding my totaled car (short version: Rich Bad Driver In A Beamer t-boned me in a parking lot and didn't own up to the fault, so the insurance company had to investigate before determining it 100 percent his fault).

They turned on the recorder and I started telling them about the crash, and about halfway through my statement I heard A.M. making that loud yelling noise cats make when they're either a) in the bath, or b) trapped somewhere. So I followed the sound and found A.M. Standing next to my bed with a tissue box stuck over her head.

So my statement went something like this:

"I was driving down the main thoroughfare when Mr. Hou came out of one of those secondary lanes with all the parking spaces and slammed into-- ohmigod my cat has a tissue box stuck on her head. Hold on one sec. A.M. A.M.! COME HERE! Let me get it off you! A.M. seriously calm down. Oooh. OK. There. Good girl. Aww, are you OK? OK. ... I'm sorry, are you still there? Sorry, my cat had a tissue box stuck on her head."

Adjuster : "That's funny."

Me: "Yeah. She's OK. So I was driving straight and Mr. Hou..............."

So yeah. That's on the record.

In other news, Rich Bad Driver In A Beamer's insurance company assumed full liability today and my car is totaled. So I will be buying a new car (A.K.A. probably a slightly newer version of my old car) with whatever settlement money I get. Poor Hessy Honda...

"With all due respect..."

Asked Saturday night which existing Supreme Court justices he wouldn't have nominated, McCain's response was:

"With all due respect, Justice Ginsburg, Justice Breyer, Justice Souter and Justice Stevens."

In other words, McCain wouldn't nominate anyone he disagrees with. Who knew?

Obama, meanwhile, is taking flak from conservative groups for his answer, which actually included some reasoning other than saying activist judges are bad (Brown v. Board of Ed was the product of so-called activist judges, but we like to disregard that):

"I would not have nominated Clarence Thomas. I don't think that he…was a strong enough jurist or legal thinker at the time for that elevation, setting aside the fact that I profoundly disagree with his interpretation of a lot of the Constitution. I would not nominate Justice Scalia, although I don't think there's any doubt about his intellectual brilliance because he and I just disagree, you know. He taught at University of Chicago as did I in the law school."

From the Legal Times blog:

"It was clear last night that Obama’s criteria for selecting Supreme Court Justices are fuzzy, lack intellectual coherence, and are subject to his own whims," said Wendy Long, a former Thomas clerk and counsel to the Judicial Confirmation Network.

Right. Because McCain clearly based his answer on qualifications and experience.

I'm not saying the Souter/Stevens/Breyer/Ginsburg set is superior to the Alito/Roberts/Thomas/Scalia set or vice-versa. What I am saying is let's stop lying to ourselves and acknowledge that presidents appoint justices who agree with their Constitutional views. PR flaks can spout as much BS as they'd like about how the other candidate would try to impose his own agenda through his nominations -- but, um, yeah... so would your candidate. Glass houses, dude.

Sunday night on NJ Transit

Returning from the city Sunday night, we somehow picked a train car with the following passengers (actually, they picked us... none of them were sitting there when we got on):

=

There was Jazzy Jeff from the Fresh Prince.

And there was the guy with the bandanna over his nose and mouth. I didn't realize I was going to be part of the picture, but the look on my face entertains me. So Shruti tried again for a close-up, and...


Bandanna Boy walked onto the train with his two friends and ever-so-considerately began playing his bass-heavy cell phone music for everyone on the train car to hear. Meanwhile, his friends chatted loudly about pussies and such. We could only assume that Bandanna Boy was immuno-suppressed (Unless you can think of some other reason for the trusty germ-stopping fabric draped over his nose and mouth?). And his friends were quite obviously talking about their cats. Such nice boys.

Should have gotten the six-pack

A Chicago woman has been accused of stabbing her boyfriend to death because he was drinking her beer.

The 55-year-old woman was in the car with her 77-year-old boyfriend Wednesday when she became angry that he was drinking her beer. So she stabbed him repeatedly, got out of the car, called for his nephew ("You better come get your uncle—I just killed him," according to the police report), got back in the car and finished the beer.

No word on how she managed to keep the beer from spilling while she was stabbing the guy.

Two-faced kitten

I'm sure you've all heard of Chase No Face, the cat who lost her face and eyelids in an accident when she was 4 weeks old.

Now an Ohio kitten was born with two faces -- or, more specifically, four eyes, two noses and one mouth.Weird.

First Amendment vs. Sixth Amendment

I know I made a sort of pledge not long ago that I would try to be more entertaining on this thing, but I'm actually interested in what You People think of this, so...

A judge in Kansas declared a mistrial in a rape case after the local paper reported that the suspect had been convicted of fondling a 13-year-old girl in another county and would be facing child pornography charges in both counties.

The outcome of that trial had been already reported in the other county's paper, but the issue was with the local paper because the jurors would be more likely to see the story. But the judge had already ordered the jury not to read the local paper, and the defense lawyer said in the local paper behind all this:

“The problem we had was (the headline) was in bold face, and if (jurors) were even innocently looking through the paper, and it caught their attention, we have a compromised jury.”

The headline on the original A5 story was "Man sentenced to 11 years in sex case."
The one-column subhead was “Same man accused of raping Salina girl, other sex charges.”

So I'm torn. The original story was a matter of public record and the paper had every right to print it. But the suspect is obviously entitled to a fair trial. But the judge did order the jury not to read the paper, so for him to assume they didn't follow those orders (without asking, at that) is strange, right? And the girl who was raped already testified for three hours, and now she's going to have to do it again.

So what do you guys think?

Denver, the DNC, and poop

In anticipation of the DNC, the Denver City Council has passed an ordinance barring people from carrying poop in public for "nefarious purposes."

Seriously.

From the Rocky Mountain News:

The ordinance makes it illegal to carry certain items, such as chains, padlocks, carabiners and other locking devices. It also prohibits the possession of noxious substances. Two of the most frequently used examples of a noxious substance are a bucket of urine and a "feces bomb."

Police have to prove that people carrying such items intend to use them to block public access or emergency equipment or to thwart crowd control measures.

The ordinance was passed unanimously by the City Council on Monday.

This came despite three protest groups signing a treaty that called for "a moratorium on the public throwing, spraying, smearing, hosing or inducing of excrement," according to the Denver Post.

Because the MVC is living in 1995?

I understand the reasoning behind trying to add color to otherwise-bureaucratic Web sites, but the New Jersey MVC (its version of the DMV, for you California people) crosses the line into circa-1995-AOL-member-pages with its registration renewal. While you're waiting for your online renewal to process, you see this:

In fact, they have the smoke chugging out of the tailpipe (see the animation here). Why do I get the feeling someone at the MVC googled "free clip art" and came up with this image?

Tiger dogs

OK, not really, but this golden retriever has begun nursing three white tiger cubs at the Safari Zoological Park in Kansas.


AP story here.

Apparently this has happened before. In May 2007, a dog at the Jinan Paomaling Wild Animal World in China nursed her puppy along with three tigers cubs who were rejected by their mother.

And now *you're* under investigation for clicking here

The New Jersey Office of Legislative Services has placed filters on all legislative computers since finding kiddie porn on Assemblyman Neil Cohen's office computer last week.

The result?

That's a screenshot from a statehouse computer. Now anyone in the statehouse trying to read about Cohen can't -- the new filters block out any Web site with the keyword "porn."

Yum.

The water at Santa Monica beaches is filled with fecal bacteria, according to a new study. L.A. County beaches have the highest level of fecal bacteria in the state, and Santa Monica has some of the highest levels in the county, according to the study. The part of the beach by the pier exceeds state standards by 52 percent. Other Santa Monica beaches range from 4 percent (by Strand Street) up to 39 percent (Santa Monica Canyon).

From the L.A. Times:

Samples were taken from nearly three-quarters of California's public beaches from April through October 2007. Monitors collected most samples from ankle-deep water at least once a week at sites near storm drains or other contamination sources. Across California, these contained unhealthful levels of enterococcus, total coliform and fecal coliform bacteria -- found in human and animal waste -- 7% of the time, down from 12% the previous year.

Just thought you should know.

Maybe he thought it was Obama in the next stall

An Obama campaign button that was intended to show Obama alongside Larry LaRocco, the Democratic candidate for Senate in Idaho, mistakenly used a photo of Larry Craig instead. (AP story here)

They were apparently produced by a commercial firm that makes campaign memorabilia, and not the campaign.

But still. I want.

Keep reading...

I've been trying to figure out how to begin this post without driving away everyone who reads this besides Lisa. As you might have guessed, I didn't come up with any good ideas. But do me a favor and stick with it beyond the opening sentence you're about to see -- despite the requisite explanatory opener, you should be amused.

A prominent education policy blogger who calls herself Eduwonkette sent a public records request to the press guy for the New York Education Department. Eduwonkette is well-respected within the education policy world and also known for being a bit of a nudge.

So the press guy, David Cantor, responded to her request with this:

I've thought about it and decided i don't want to give out information to someone asking anonymously.

I'm sure you'll have no difficulty finding what you need.

In response, another education blogger, posted a public public records request. The dude's actually pretty funny.

I understand the concern you expressed to Eduwonkette, the inimitable - if anonymous - education blogger, regarding the data’s availability. After all, we can’t be sure that Ms. Eduwonkette is an American citizen [and thus a member of the “public”], let alone a New York State resident.

You need not worry about my identity or my citizenship.

And whereas I appreciate such earnest gatekeeping, undoubtedly in the interests of our State’s security and well-being ........ click for the post in its entirety.

A few more Mattie pictures

So Mattie's favorite spot to hang out is on the shelf under the coffee table. I think she likes it because it's relatively cool under there (especially since the AC has been broken)...

Sometimes she hangs out all the way under the table...

On this day she tired herself out playing and I looked down to see her completely wrapped around the leg of the table.
Look closely and you'll see her tongue is sticking out...
Apparently slightly disturbed by all the picture-taking...
Chasing after the shoelace...

Maybe if I lick at it?

Must... get... the shoelace....

So close!

This, by the way, is my absolute favorite.
And, success.

So that's Mattie. She's pretty great. She still hasn't learned that her tail is attached to her body and one day I saw attack her back leg because she'd apparently forgotten that she was using it to scratch her ear. She gets confused easily.

We was taught good