The Prez

(the man, not the cat)

I covered an event with President Bush in Edison yesterday, and was officially a member of the White House press pool... for a grand total of about three hours.

For two of those hours, I was roped inside the little press area, where we weren't allowed to move from while we awaited the president's arrival. I read a book. I spent about half an hour making my way around after the speech talking to people who paid $300 to $5,000 to see the president speak. And exactly 27 minutes of that time was spent watching the president speak, trying to see over the Very Tall People who paid $300 to $5,000 to be there.

When I arrived at the Expo Center, I received the following credential, on which the man wrote down the wrong name, crossed it out and then made an attempt at writing my actual name. So it looked kinda like I found a press pass and colored it in myself.



Yup. I'm that important.

Oh, and I wrote this crappy story while I was there.

And they say camels rarely get dehydrated...

I visited Nicole in Rhode Island last weekend, and we went to the Roger Williams Zoo. This is what we saw:

We were looking at a couple of camels, who were standing there being camels, when I determined that the camel on the right looked a little like one of my ex-boyfriends. Just as I vocalized that observation, the camel on the left started to pee. Well the stream came for a long time, and eventually Ex-boyfriend Camel saunteredto the back end of his friend and started licking the pee out of the air.

Nicole and I stared in awe for some time before we started laughing. Then it was over. Ex-boyfriend Camel walked back to the other side of his friend and stood where he'd been before. But Friend Camel's pee continued to flow, and Ex-boyfriend Camel decided to go back for more. So he returned to the back end of Friend Camel and licked some more pee from the falling stream.

Then Ex-boyfriend Camel took a few steps backwards and tilted his head all the way up, so his face was in the air and he appeared to be gargling the urine.

Now Nicole and I were more entertained than ever, and as we laughed I heard the words, "Ya like that?" from someone standing to my left. I looked over, and there stood a little man with eyeliner who apparently wanted me to lick his pee. I grabbed Nicole and said it was time to go.

And that was our day at the zoo.

Oh, and llamas poop in a neat trajectory, allowing them to stand upright and excrete without getting any poo on themselves.

Because being questioned by Congress is like a flower on a warm, wonderful summer day

Monica Goodling's Web site from college (click around... it's good stuff)
http://web.archive.org/web/19991008153443/home.regent.edu/monigoo/

Some of my favorite snippets:
Send me an e-mail if you want... I love to get mail.
And smile, the world can be a good place or a bad place, depending on which way you look at it. But it's a lot better when you're smiling.

Cassiopeia, my darling puppy, is only happy when she is chewing on someone's shoes. She's not picky, one doesn't even have to take off his or her shoe!

Friends are those things which make a day pass from mere existence to life itself. Their laughter, smiles, and love make all the difference.

Thanks for visiting, and have a wonderful, wonderful day.

Frisky young Jews...

I was running around my neighborhood this evening, a neighborhood filled with Orthodox Jews and some Orthodox Jews. It's the first place I've lived where I've actually felt comfortable running in after dark (although today it was still light out). Anyway I usually wear baggy running shorts, but tonight I was wearing a cotton tank top and spandex shorts. Three different little boys tried to talk to me.

It wasn't like the icky cat calls I've gotten in the past, but very polite greetings. In all cases, their ages couldn't have been into the double-digits.

The first was a little boy on a bike saying hi. The second a boy playing with his friends, who stopped what he was doing and very nicely said, "Nice shorts." The third, a boy running around with his friends who ran toward me for a few seconds and kept saying, "hey."

It was all very strange.

In other news, I've decided to go to Thailand this summer. Hooray tigers!

Lord of the Flies, anyone?

CBS unveiled its fall lineup today, featuring a new reality show called "Kid Nation," in which 40 kids (ages 8 to 15) live for 40 days in a New Mexico ghost town. They'll try to set up their own 19th-century society (complete with outhouses, a saloon, etc.), creating businesses and government without adult supervision.

My question is what parents will sign their kids up for this? You'll have the Hollywood-wannabes who hope this catapults their kids to stardom... who else?

No one can be voted off, but CBS never said murder and heads on stakes weren't involved.

Alien balls

From a wizarduniverse.com interview with Futurama co-creator David X. Cohen on the upcoming new episodes:

Q: Are there any new characters being introduced in the new season that you’re excited about?
COHEN: Yes, particularly Nudar, the evil alien nudist. We’re not sure what the censorship issues are as far as showing unrecognizable alien reproductive organs. I guess we’ll just put it on the air and see what happens.

Fiver!

If you could just tell me the make and model of your maternal grandfather's first car...

So I understand the need for security questions, etc., but...

I called to activate a new credit card I received in the mail after the old one expired, and they apparently had my old phone number, so the automated system transferred me to a live person since I wasn't calling from my "home number." Fine.

So I talk to the first "live person," who punches a bunch of things in the computer and then says he can't help me and I need to talk to a new live person.

So he puts me on hold for a few minutes and then tells me I'm on the phone with "Inez," my new live person. Who proceeds to politely interrogate the hell out of me.

What's your name?
What's your mother's maiden name?
...... I'm OK with these, but she continues...

In what state was your social security number issued?
.... Fine....

You may have gone to a college a few years back. Do you know what college it was?

Ummm.... UNCW? I mean, UNC-Wilmington? Or do you have Emerson College down there? In fact, I may have registered at Santa Monica College one summer thinking I was going to take classes but then didn't. Is that the one you have?

Through this whole thing, Inez has apologizing for the inconvenience and saying, "One moment," very politely, over and over again. In response to this answer, she sighs, says "Nevermind" and proceeds with "One moment."

You say you used this 1959 Cloverfield as a "permanent address?" Can you tell me the name of one of your neighbors?

You want me to name one of my neighbors?

Well you did say you lived there a while.

Yeah, that doesn't mean I can name neighbors. I can name people in Santa Monica. Do you want me to start naming people in Santa Monica?

Why would I want you to name people in Santa Monica? I need you to name neighbors. You said you lived there a while. You should be able to name neighbors.

I don't talk to people. Certainly not neighbor people. I'm antisocial. My brother, Daniel, lives at that address. Can he count as a neighbor?

*Sighs* One moment. *clicketly clack of the keyboard* Do you know this "Daniel's" year of birth?

1980.

Somehow, that did it.

But seriously? I understand the need for security, but a social security number, mother's maiden name and question about the name of my first pet really should do the trick. And what else do they know about me and all of my "neighbors" in Santa Monica?

What were you doing when you were 14?

In Dallas, kids are getting hooked on a mixture of Tylenol P.M. and heroin called "cheese," according to an AP story. The AP reported that it's been linked to 19 teenager deaths in Dallas, and the average age of those arrested for possession is 14.

Seriously? At 14, I was watching Animaniacs and going to parties at my friends' swimming pools.

In other news, I'd like to congratulate Eric and Brian on their new kitten, Stache. Go to Eric's comment on my MySpace page for a picture. And know that he has promised more pictures as well.

So that's all I've got. My life is boring...

Cat piddle and dead mice

So I decided to try this remove-frizz-for-a-whole-month hair product which promised on the box to, that's right, remove frizz for a whole month. It didn't work. What it did do, however, was make my hair smell like a dirty litter box. Hooray!

In other news, this amused me (in a sorry-this-lady-died sort of way)
JANESVILLE, Wis. (AP) — A couple checking out a house for sale were shocked to discover the 55-year-old homeowner dead in her bed. Authorities said foul play was not suspected.

Real estate agent Linda Chabucos-Galow stood in the dining room while Justin and Colleen McKeen walked through a house Monday night. Before long, she heard Colleen McKeen scream.

"I thought, 'What's wrong?' Maybe it was a dead mouse or something,'' Chabucos-Galow said.

But then she peered into the bedroom and saw the body of Linda L. O'Leary.

...