What to do if you're attacked by monkeys

The best monkey story (and, OK, most morbid) I've ever heard involved monkey spluge in the eye leading to death. A young biologist had the noble job of holding a fake monkey vagina up to a male monkey's cage and letting him do his business so the biologists could collect the splugey specimen. But said biologist forgot to wear protective goggles, some spluge squirted up into his eye and the guy died a few days later from a resulting infection.

But monkey-related deaths and injuries occur more often as a result of a monkey attack. Most recently, The deputy mayor of New Delhi fell off his balcony and died Sunday after being attacked by wild monkeys.

According to Slate, monkeys generally attack because they think you have food. So if you're ever attacked by monkeys, you should either fork over the food (sorry, Fatty), or hold out your open palms to show them you don't have any food. If that doesn't work, you can try to chase them off with a stick. (because who doesn't carry a stick in their back pocket?)

Here's Slate's Explainer's take on How to Fight Monkeys.