I'm not a reporter -- I just play one on TV

You know those people who like to ask themselves questions and then answer them ("Am I happy about being a schmuck? No. But have I come to accept it as a part of life? Sure.")? Apparently FEMA gave a whole new meaning to that...

FEMA held a press conference Tuesday in its southwest D.C. offices (nowhere near downtown or Capitol Hill, where the reporters are) with Deputy Director Harvey E. Johnson to discuss the California fires. Unfortunately, reporters only received 15 minutes notice about the press conference and no one was able to make it to the office on such short notice. So the reporters who weren't able to make it were given a call-in number on a "listen-only" line, meaning they could hear the press conference but wouldn't be able to ask any of their own questions -- much like Joe Blow watching it on Fox News.

Well the questions asked were like softballs in a senior citizens slow-pitch league. (What "commodities" are being shipped to Southern California? Are you happy with FEMA's response so far? Does the quick response to the fires show that you've learned lessons from Katrina?)

This from the Washington Post:

He was apparently quite familiar with the reporters -- in one case, he appears to say "Mike" and points to a reporter -- and was asked an oddly in-house question about "what it means to have an emergency declaration as opposed to a major disaster declaration" signed by the president. He once again explained smoothly.

Turns out, there was a good explanation for the smooth-as-a-baby's-butt press conference. Because of the impossibly short notice, no reporters could make it. Turns out, the "reporters" who showed up were actually FEMA's deputy director of external affairs, FEMA's deputy director of public affairs. FEMA's director of external affairs and one of FEMA's press aides, according to the Washington Post.

Al Kamen broke the story in his Washington Post column (from which I pilfered) here.

After standing by their decision through the week, FEMA apologized today. They also acknowledged that no actual reporter attended the press conference.

Reuters story on apology here.