Change for a 10

A robber in Greenburgh, N.Y. forced his victim to go into a pizza place and get change for a 10 because the robber only wanted $4.

James Mitchell, 48, of Mount Vernon, held an 18-year-old kid at knifepoint and told him he wanted a plastic rose the kid had just bought and $4. When the kid said all he had was a 10, Mitchell told him to go into a nearby pizza place and get change.

Greenburgh police Capt. Joseph DeCarlo, as quoted in the AP:
"He came out of the store and was approached by the suspect, who said,
'Give me the rose,' DeCarlo said. "The kid told him, 'Go in there and get one.'
But the suspect says, 'I want that one, and your money, too,' and pulls out a
knife. All the kid has is a 10, and the perp says, 'I only want $4.' He tells
the kid to go into the pizza parlor and get change. Then the kid comes out, he
takes his $4 and he leaves.''

Mitchell was apprehended by police a few blocks away.

When I was a kid, I totally earned $5 by singing "Leavin' on a Jet Plane" on a corner at the Third Street Promenade (I *really* wanted to see Terminator 2 and my mom said if I wanted to see it that night I'd have to earn the money myself. She, incidentally, still didn't let me see it that night.) Anyway, the dude totally shoulda just done that.

A new kind of trail mix

I was just cleaning out my car and found way too many In N Out french fries given that I haven't lived in a state with In N Out since February 2006.

Mixed in there, I also found very old versions of the following: Skittles, Pringles, cat food kibbles, nacho cheese Doritos and a Craisin. Any takers?

Clothing optional (again)

My regular readers (reader?) might remember a post from a while back about Brattleboro, Vt., a town that previously allowed all public nudity. After an old man from Arizona visited the town's monthly art fair specifically so he could stroll naked down Main Street, the town Selectboard passed an emergency ordinance banning nudity in certain areas (other areas of town continued to allow it).

Now, in what may be my first blog follow-up ever (and note that I'm similarly forgetful and unmotivated when it comes to my actual job), I am posting to let you know that the temporary ban on nudity will expire next month and the Selectboard has voted not to make it permanent.

One board member proposed an amendment to strike the words "breast" and buttocks" from the language of the ordinance, thus paring down the ban solely to "genitals," but the ordinance with the amendment was defeated 3-2.

So if anyone wants to walk around naked in public...

Brattleboro Reformer story here.

Welcome Home Hessy Day

I would like to officially extend my congratulations to myself on getting my car back.

For those of you who don't know, Hessy Honda spent three weeks in the Highland Park impound lot after an overzealous, bored, and under-his-monthly-quota Highland Park cop pulled me over for expired California registration. I was quite polite to him (until I wasn't anymore), but he decided to give me a ticket and tow my car to the impound lot (he also called for backup because I was being mean to him).

This was on a Saturday, so initially I was angry because I wouldn't be able to get my car back until the DMV opened on Monday. This was because I needed to renew my registration to get my car back, and I couldn't renew it online in California because it needed a smog check.

So I got to the DMV the following Monday and after waiting in various lines and giving various people various forms of identification, a lady told me that I couldn't get my NJ registration until I got an NJ license and I couldn't get an NJ license until I got a clearance letter from Connecticut.

Yes, the speeding ticket I got in Connecticut three years ago and was waiting to pay until at least three years passed to avoid getting points on my insurance officially came back to bite me in the ass.

Now.

Me: How do I get a clearance letter from Connecticut?
Lady: Call Connecticut.
Me: What's the number for Connecticut?
Lady: It's on the slip of paper I handed you.
Me: *looks down at slip of paper* The only thing on this paper is my name.
Lady: So find the number yourself.
Me: How do I do that? Can't you just tell me the number?
Lady: 4-1-1
Me: *possibly not in the most polite tone* I'm supposed to call 4-1-1 and ask for the number for Connecticut?
Lady: Yes.

So I went home and looked up the number for the Connecticut DMV, which put me on hold for half an hour before transferring me to the clearance letter department, which put me on hold for half an hour before a woman picked up. She told me to call the courthouse that dealt with my ticket, that they would forward my info along the the DMV and that the DMV would send me a clearance letter. Is there any way to expedite the process? I asked. No.

So I called the courthouse, and the lady there told me I owed them about $350 to reopen my case and to pay my ticket. I took out my credit card.
Lady: We don't take credit card payments. You need to send a money order.
Me: What about debit cards? Can you approve that over the phone?
Lady: No.
Me: Checking account and routing number?
Lady: No.
Me: OK, so I'll send my payment and then you'll forward along the info to the DMV?
Lady: No.
Me: So how do I get the clearance letter?
Lady: You need to send the receipt we send you to the DMV. Along with a special clearance letter request form. And $125.
Me: Oh. Is there any way to expedite this?
Lady: No.

So I did everything as instructed, using priority mail in all instances and convincing myself that that was almost as good as expediting it, and the clearance letter finally came Friday. I spent Monday at the DMV, the car rental place (I've been driving a PT Cruiser), the impound lot, the inspection station and the cars of two different co-workers who were nice enough to give me rides where necessary.

In the end, after the car rental ($1,600), the impound fees ($565, in cash), car repairs and inspection certificate ($1,100), Connecticut ticket fees and clearance letter, and New Jersey registration, title and license fees, I'm about $3,000 in the whole.

But at least I'm no longer driving a PT Cruiser.

And if anyone wants to give me a million dollars for my upcoming birthday... well, e-mail me and I'll tell you where to send the check.

Becky's first (right?) published reviews

So Becky reviewed her first two plays for offoffonline.com at the Fringe Festival over the weekend. For those of you who know as little about this as I do, said Web site is "Your comprehensive resource for New York City off-off-Broadway theatre listings and reviews" -- at least, according to said Web site. In any case, she's pretty good at this writing thing...
Death and Dreams review
http://www.offoffonline.com/reviews.php?id=1104
Greek Tragedy as Performance Art review
http://www.offoffonline.com/reviews.php?id=1107

Only because I've been a lazy-ass blogger lately...

If you're still checking this thing with the hope that I'll get off my lazy ass and start updating it again (with something more than a minimally funny Denis Leary quote), I'll humor you. Or more specifically, direct you to a place where you can be bored to tears by a story that took up all my time last week. I think it's an important story, but I didn't exactly do a good job of keeping it entertaining...

Ex-convicts face uphill battle for jobs
and the even-less-interesting-to-read sidebar (which I'm just realizing has a mistake... maybe you'll read it and play the find-the-mistake game. I hear it's quite fun.)

Also, in during my stretch of laziness-related lack of blogging, I never officially and publicly congratulated Brian on his engagement. So here it is. I would like to publicly extend my congratulations to Brian on his recent engagement to Amy. Here's to a wedding with an open bar. *clinks champagne glasses*

Done and done.

OK. That's all I've got for you. Maybe I'll post more next week. Or maybe not. I'm quite boring, it seems.

Quote of the day

"You have to be nice to your Jewish friends because they might be your prostate doctor someday." -Denis Leary on the Daily Show yesterday

Why does this brain stem say "No. 2" on it?

Remember that episode of the Simpsons in which doctors discover that Homer has had a crayon embedded inside his brain since he lodged it there while sticking a box of crayons up his nose as a child? Yeah... not exactly the same thing, but...

Woman has pencil removed from head

Women out-earning men

A study by a Queens College demographer found that twenty-something women in some big cities are making more money than twenty-something men. The report shows that women of all educational levels ages 21 to 30 living in New York City and working full time made 117 percent of men’s wages. In Dallas that figure is 120 percent. Women in their 20s are making more than men in Boston, Los Angeles, Chicago and Minneapolis, too.

Experts in the New York Times story (linked above) speculate that since more women are graduating from college than ever before, they're moving to big cities rather than staying in smaller towns, and thus drive up the number of female college grads in the bigger cities, thus driving up the salaries.

Nationally, women still lag, with women in their 20s making a median income of $25,467, compared with $28,523 for men.

They also lag in older age brackets.

I think the salaries will even out and eventually drop below men's averages as the women reach their 30s and 40s and start families, because other studies have shown that most women prefer to either not work at all or work part-time in the early years of their kids lives. So I don't see this as a giant trend in women's progress in this country. But it's still kind of interesting... read the story for more.

I'm sticking with the idiots on this one...

A ballot question in New Jersey's November election will ask voters if they want to reword the part of the state Constitution that says an "idiot or insane person'' cannot vote, and replace it with a "person who has been adjudicated by a court of competent jurisdiction to lack the capacity to understand the act of voting.''

Reminds me of the Chinglish rules and regulations posted alongside the Mandarin rules inside taxis in Shanghai, mandating that "psychos", "psychopaths", or "schizophrenics" may not ride taxis without supervision. (Actually, each taxi used only one of the three options... I spent my time there looking for one that said "crazypants" or something equally amusing)

The joys of Highland Park

So with everything else I've had going on over the last couple of months, I let the California registration lapse on my car. Interestingly enough, I actually had every intention of obtaining a Jersey registration -- and driver's license -- on Monday.

Of course, Highland Park cops sometimes get bored of sticking their thumbs up their asses and one of them had another idea.

I was on my way to my assignment this morning when I got pulled over about a quarter mile from the bridge to New Brunswick. I actually wasn't speeding for once.

The cop took his sweet time before asking for my license, registration, proof of insurance -- your standard crap. He asked if I knew my registration was expired. I was very polite, apologized profusely and reassured him that I would renew it on Monday. He asked where I was going. I told him I was on my way to an assignment in New Brunswick. He said I'm not allowed to drive a car with an expired registration. I reassured him againt hat I had every intention of renewing it on Monday. He said he couldn't let me drive without the registration. I told him the truth about why I'd been so busy for the last two months and didn't get the registration renewed. He either didn't believe me or didn't give a shit. He reminded me it's illegal to drive with an expired registration.

I promised I would get it renewed first thing Monday. He said that was too late. I said there were no other options.

Apparently, there were.

Despite my stomach-curdling politeness through the whole ordeal, Douchebag Cop had my car towed to an impound lot. The impound lot, of course, is closed Sundays, which means they can charge me up the ass when I go to pick it up on Monday.

Douchebag Cop also, incidentally, called Douchebag Sergeant somewhere along the line for backup, because he felt I was being disagreeable. Well. No. Shit.

And this little piggy went ALLLLLL the way to the state Supreme Court

An oral surgeon in Washington state was just awarded $750,000 from his insurance company by the state's highest court after the insurance company refused to cover a lawsuit filed against him when he implanted temporary tusks in the mouth of his assistant whose family raises potbellied pigs. Here's the back-story:

The oral surgeon, Dr. Robert Woo, implanted two tusks in his assistant's mouth while she was under anesthesia to replace two of her teeth with implants. He snapped photos of her with the tusks -- some with her eyes propped open -- and then removed the tusks and finished the procedure normally. When she woke up, everything was normal, but eventually the photos made their way around the office and back to her. She quit. And sued.

The insurance company refused to cover the lawsuit, saying that practical jokes aren't covered by his plan. Dr. Woo settled out of court and paid the woman $250,000.

Then he sued the insurance company.

A county superior court jury ordered the insurance company to pay Woo $750,000 plus the out-of-court settlement.

The insurance company appealed. The state Court of Appeals sided with the insurance company, agreeing that the prank had nothing to do with Woo's dentistry.

Woo appealed. And on Thursday, the state Supreme Court ruled in favor of Woo. In a 5-4 decision, the court ruled that that "Woo's practical joke was an integral, if odd, part of the assistant's dental surgery and 'conceivably'' should trigger the professional liability coverage of his policy," according to the AP.

The death cat

A cat living in a Providence hospice can apparently predict death.

From the AP: The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and other illnesses.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He'd sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours. Full story here.

Shea cats

Shea Stadium houses a feral cat colony with 20 to 40 cats, according to a cat rescue group founder quoted in the New York Times. Here's the story.

Photo from the AP via the New York Times.

Bust out your balls and find a blower

For the record, the machine that tumbles bingo balls around is called a blower. And I really wanted my lead for this story to be, "The balls are back in the blowers and bingo is back in Edison." Unfortunately, I don't write for the New York Post.

Edison seniors again yell "Bingo"

Because everyone loves a naked old guy

An old man strolling down the street in nothing but sandals and a fanny pack spurred an emergency ordinance banning nudity in certain public places in Brattleboro, Vermont.

The Brattleboro Selectboard voted 3-2 Tuesday night to pass an ordinance "prohibiting people from going about in the nude," according to Reuters. Anyone caught violating the ordinance faces a $100 fine.

The ordinance applies only to certain main corridors, and doesn't include breastfeeding mothers.

"I'm not looking for a townwide ban in every nook and cranny," one Selectboard member was quoted as saying in the Brattleboro Reformer. "We thought we would start in a smaller region. This is the primary area of concern."

The genesis of the naked trend came during a hot spell last summer, when "a couple of dozen teens took to holding hula hoop contests, riding bikes and parading past stores wearing only their birthday suits," according to Reuters. Town officials assumed the nudity would dwindle with the temperatures, but it returned with a vengeance this summer. Officials decided to take emergency action after a senior citizen from Arizona visited Brattleboro specifically to stroll naked through Gallery Walk, the town's monthly art exhibit along Main Street.

At Tuesday's Selectboard meeting, one woman spoke against to the ordinance. Her son had been arrested for lewd and lasciviious behavior when he was caught dancing naked in a puddle: "He is a kind-hearted young man," she was quoted as saying in the Brattleboro Reformer. "He just wanted to express himself as a human being."

Brattleboro Reformer story here. Reuters story here.

All the polite people...

I'm wearing a new shirt today, and I just realized that I've been walking around all day with an "XS" sticker smack in the middle of my left boob.

That is all.

Rupert Murdoch and full disclosure...

Those of you who read Jack Shafer have probably already seen this, but just in case...

In his take on how the Wall Street Journal would respond if News Corp. got control, he talks about the already-unusually-long disclosures the Journal runs in any story that mentions an organization associated with Dow Jones. According the the WSJ stylebook, the writers have to explain the extent of any such business relationship. So then, what would happen if News Corp., which owns half the world, also acquired Dow Jones? What disclosure would have to be tacked on to the end of every story?

Shafer writes:

News Corp. publishes the Wall Street Journal and its international and
online editions, Barron's, the Far Eastern Economic Review, MarketWatch, Dow
Jones Indexes, and the Ottaway group of community newspapers. News Corp. owns
Factiva and co-owns SmartMoney with Hearst Corp. News Corp. owns 20th Century
Fox, Fox Searchlight, Fox Broadcasting Company, MyNetworkTV, Fox Sports
Australia, television stations of the Fox Broadcasting Group, as well as
stations in Eastern Europe and other cable channels around the world. News Corp.
owns or has large holdings in the satellite broadcasters DirecTV, STAR, BSkyB,
Foxtel, and Sky Italia. News Corp. owns or has large holdings in a dozen cable
channels, including Fox News Channel, FX, Speed, Fox Reality, Fox Sports Net,
Fox Movie Channel, Fuel TV, and the National Geographic Channel. News Corp. owns
two dozen newspapers around the world. News Corp. owns or has large holdings in
the Weekly Standard, Gemstar-TV Guide International, and many magazines. News
Corp. owns MySpace, FoxSports.com, and many other Web sites. News Corp. owns
HarperCollins Publishers, Zondervan books, MySpace Records, and News Outdoor
Group (billboards). News Corp. has a large holding in the National Rugby League.
News Corp. also owns businesses too obscure to describe here, such as
Broadsystem ("Closer contact. Great insight."), Milkround, and NDS.

Why can't *my* sources be this concise?

Jeremy Roenick announced his retirement by texting a Philadelphia Inquirer reporter, "I'm retiring; is that still news?"

Roenick, a center, was most recently with Phoenix; before that he spent three seasons with the Flyers, and has also played on the Blackhawks and Kings. If you're interested, the full story's here.

Now, I know most of you pnineple don't follow hockey at all -- I clearly don't either... Roenick announced his retirement 10 days ago. But I still think every other source should take this as a lesson that texting is much better than calling a reporter and yapping for an hour about various aspects of life.

That is all.

In case you were wondering if I could get any cooler...

Gizmo's "Catster" page: http://www.catster.com/cats/581780
A.M.P.M.S.'s "Catster" page: http://www.catster.com/cats/581793

At the time of this post, they have 16 friends each, but I'm hoping their many pending requests will be accepted, as they're much more creative than other cats "I think we'd make purrrrr-fect friends!" messages.

Oh, and in case you're wondering... You're right -- Giz *doesn't* write that well. A.M. wrote his profile so potential friends wouldn't think he was a tard-cat.