Welcome Home Hessy Day

I would like to officially extend my congratulations to myself on getting my car back.

For those of you who don't know, Hessy Honda spent three weeks in the Highland Park impound lot after an overzealous, bored, and under-his-monthly-quota Highland Park cop pulled me over for expired California registration. I was quite polite to him (until I wasn't anymore), but he decided to give me a ticket and tow my car to the impound lot (he also called for backup because I was being mean to him).

This was on a Saturday, so initially I was angry because I wouldn't be able to get my car back until the DMV opened on Monday. This was because I needed to renew my registration to get my car back, and I couldn't renew it online in California because it needed a smog check.

So I got to the DMV the following Monday and after waiting in various lines and giving various people various forms of identification, a lady told me that I couldn't get my NJ registration until I got an NJ license and I couldn't get an NJ license until I got a clearance letter from Connecticut.

Yes, the speeding ticket I got in Connecticut three years ago and was waiting to pay until at least three years passed to avoid getting points on my insurance officially came back to bite me in the ass.

Now.

Me: How do I get a clearance letter from Connecticut?
Lady: Call Connecticut.
Me: What's the number for Connecticut?
Lady: It's on the slip of paper I handed you.
Me: *looks down at slip of paper* The only thing on this paper is my name.
Lady: So find the number yourself.
Me: How do I do that? Can't you just tell me the number?
Lady: 4-1-1
Me: *possibly not in the most polite tone* I'm supposed to call 4-1-1 and ask for the number for Connecticut?
Lady: Yes.

So I went home and looked up the number for the Connecticut DMV, which put me on hold for half an hour before transferring me to the clearance letter department, which put me on hold for half an hour before a woman picked up. She told me to call the courthouse that dealt with my ticket, that they would forward my info along the the DMV and that the DMV would send me a clearance letter. Is there any way to expedite the process? I asked. No.

So I called the courthouse, and the lady there told me I owed them about $350 to reopen my case and to pay my ticket. I took out my credit card.
Lady: We don't take credit card payments. You need to send a money order.
Me: What about debit cards? Can you approve that over the phone?
Lady: No.
Me: Checking account and routing number?
Lady: No.
Me: OK, so I'll send my payment and then you'll forward along the info to the DMV?
Lady: No.
Me: So how do I get the clearance letter?
Lady: You need to send the receipt we send you to the DMV. Along with a special clearance letter request form. And $125.
Me: Oh. Is there any way to expedite this?
Lady: No.

So I did everything as instructed, using priority mail in all instances and convincing myself that that was almost as good as expediting it, and the clearance letter finally came Friday. I spent Monday at the DMV, the car rental place (I've been driving a PT Cruiser), the impound lot, the inspection station and the cars of two different co-workers who were nice enough to give me rides where necessary.

In the end, after the car rental ($1,600), the impound fees ($565, in cash), car repairs and inspection certificate ($1,100), Connecticut ticket fees and clearance letter, and New Jersey registration, title and license fees, I'm about $3,000 in the whole.

But at least I'm no longer driving a PT Cruiser.

And if anyone wants to give me a million dollars for my upcoming birthday... well, e-mail me and I'll tell you where to send the check.